im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
this hospital has no fireball
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
