i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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