I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
