I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
