New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
