I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
