He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
