In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
