haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drake has all the answers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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