I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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