My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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