i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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