About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
