She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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