it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is Oprah even human
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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