Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
babies were throwing up all over the place
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
