Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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