you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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