Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
