I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
