I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
where are my eyebrows?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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