he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
did i walk over a car last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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