i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
