yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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