when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
