I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
