guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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