lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
