you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
