why didn't you poke me back
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
