best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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