I heard we made out
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
