I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
