The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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