I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
