The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
