I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The adults are the big ones right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
