I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
