A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
