I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
