Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
