Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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