if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
