im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
