so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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