Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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