i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am available for nakedness
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
