fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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