quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
