just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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